Diwali in the middle of Nowhere

 

To set the perspective right, it was the 2010 Diwali celebration in Auckland, New Zealand. For those who have not been to this side of the world Auckland is like the Mumbai of India. Only difference probably that while there will be handful other cities than Mumbai which can be classified as metropolitans in India. In New Zealand, on other hand, 1/3rd of the country’s population are residents of Auckland. All the people of New Zealand put together come to a number of people in Pune; which even now is yet to be counted amongst the metropolitans of the country.

So with this point of reference, anyone from India who arrives in New Zealand finds himself lost in white space. I felt no different. When I moved to Auckland a few months back, it seemed as if I had moved to a new suburb in Pune; or Mumbai. A kilometre of stretch having few high rises hosting almost all of the big names of corporate New Zealand. And yet, when one took a walk on the Queen’s street; the equivalent of MG Road in Pune or Bangalore; one cannot but stop from confusing the city to Hong Kong. Simply for the number of Asian population. Technically, Indians are pretty much Asians; but some smart Caucasian decided to label all the Asians from Asia other than the Indians, Paki’s, Bangla’s and the Lankans as Asians. These few were probably excluded as their skin colour was probably more brown than the rest. We desi’s prefer to call these Asians as Chinese. And yes, a few brethrens from east India also get labelled as Chinese. An educated label would be the Nepalis; who in turn are also very identical to the Chinese.

The world is an interesting mix of breeds; if we give Darwin a skip for a while the world is beautiful mix of colours – the whites, the blacks, the yellows (the Asians skin is yellow believe it or not), and the browns (people from the Indian subcontinent) and light browns (the south American subcontinent). Guess people from Mars will probably be blue and red and green.

Hoffice Humour

On one of those yet another dull days at work, I was thinking of getting creative with making the office hours more fun-filled and lively. That’s when i got carried away and got a little philosophical. Since we spend most of our adult day time hours at work, excluding of-course the weekends, which anyways should not be counted as regular days, I thought I need to find a way to make my office life suck less. Now, for those salaried (or contracted) wage earners who have been around will know how hard it is; but just as desperately needed. So I thought how about blogging out some of the lighter moments at work place.

Needless to say, since I am currently employed, most of my inspiration draws from my present and ex colleagues and mates. While trying best to conceal the real identify of the fellow cubic sharers; any resemblance to the characters and spaces described on this blog is merely inspirational and imaginary; even though one will be tempted to consider otherwise.

I remember one of those speeches that some ex CEO of one of the company I used to work once delivered. In his speech he wanted to encourage the entire staff to give their best to the jobs they were doing. Well this is rightly not something so unique to be remembered as ‘yes… that speech’ kind of moment. Some how all CEO’s I have seen think of themselves as Bill Pullman playing The President of the United States giving his awe-spiring speech in the movie Independence Day. It sounds very inspiring on Hollywood set, where the smartie, Pullman delivers a ‘I am set to save the world’ and I need you to laud my speech. In reality, its almost a mission impossible for anyone, least the CEO, to say anything to excite his fellow staff to delivery more than 100% to the job that they are doing. And yet, time and again, these CEO’s tout the idea of having the ability inspire the staff to delivery more than 100% by throwing some feel good speech. How realistic is it, that a CEO who earns maybe 30 to 40 times more than his average staffer, expects his staff to be just as motivated as him and maybe even more for doing the same old crappy job!

Maybe they will have better chances if they hire Hollywood or Bollywood celebrities as the CEO’s! Maybe that will inspire the staff better. Imagine, Pamela Anderson addressing her Anderson Consulting staff in Bangalore or Pune. All she has to say is guys, you better work your ass out on the dull and mundane jobs.. give me those 10% or 100% growth results that those dumber buggers sitting on the board of directors expect me to deliver; and in return I will come here and address you all the next quarter in one of those famous outfits that I have. Am sure guys will slog their rear ends to meet those results and show those profits; just to get that glimpse of ‘those things’ that they so very regularly watch on their screens while pretending to work!

So this CEO once told us that everyday when you wake up; you should feel like ‘whoa.. what a day’ and you should feel excited about going to office. If you do not feel that way, you are in the wrong job and so it means its time for you to change your job. Like yeah.. alright dude.. you just proved to the board of directors that you deserve to be paid 40 times as much as I get by giving this ‘inspirational’ speech… now you better wind up so I can rush back to my desk, continue facebooking and chatting for another hour and rush back home.

It is heartening to even imagine, if some silly naive bloke, like Joe the plumber, were to take this inspirational suggestion seriously. Poor Joe, he would be switching his jobs every month! And is it really fare to expect Joe to be just as excited while going to work when he knows he is going to be sitting in the exact same seat, in-front of the exact same computer and having coffee in the exact same mug; or one of those disposable coffee cups, which also look exactly the same! And the work is also going to be no different. Some bugger like him who had written some buggy code at some bloody point in time with the same bloody excitement as Joe had failed to do what its meant to do. And here it lands as a ‘bug to fix’ in an email in Joe’s Outlook or Lo No or Eudora or some damn mail client that Joe uses.

blockbuster blog

I started this blog with the idea of sharing light humored bloglets that will make a healthy reading. And when you are writing your first blog, rather writing about your would-be blogs, it is akin to the views of any new release movie's director/producer giving a pre-launch brief. I will follow the suite.

Question (Q): So how is this blog going to be any different from other blogs?
Answer (A): You see, this is going to be an interesting blog because the writer of the blog has not decided to follow any particular theme and so it is bound to be different.

Q: Sir, that is what the question was, how do you foresee that this blog will be any different from any other blog?
A: See, that is what I am trying to tell you, we do not have any particular theme. So the characters are going to be real and impromptu. There is a lot of freshness to the whole theme.

Q: Sir, you just said a while ago that there is not going to be any particular theme. Now you are referring to adding freshness to the theme. Are you not contradicting?
A: See, that's the whole theme of the blog - that it will not have any particular theme...

Q: Oh ok.. like that huh..
(now obviously the interview is clear that she is not going to be able to get anything more from the director... so she decides to change the topic.. )

Q: Sir, your blog title seems to suggest it is primarily going to be about movies. Is it?
A: See, I told you, we do not have any particular theme. So what it is goin....

Q: Ohh ok.. got it. yes. of course. (she is pissed..)

Q: I was going to ask whether it is going to be a mixture of different snippets from a lot of other blogs, but I guess I know your answer.. that basically you are not going to have any particular theme...
A: See, now you get it. That's exactly how it is.

(At this time the interviewer is pretty pissed off at her inability to extract anything further than the fact that the director does not plan to reveal anything)

Q: Sir, it was nice talking to you and getting to know what readers should expect from this blog. I am pretty sure by know the readers are so excited and can't wait to see your first blog.
A: Oh ohh... ya ya.. thank you, thank you. Yes, I promise the readers will get something they have never seen, I mean read before.

Q: Sir, thank you for your time. Will wait for your next blog next month.
A: My pleasure, my pleasure...